


Daisy kills everyone on Downton Abbey

by mrs_mozzie



Category: Doctor Who, Downton Abbey
Genre: Aliens, Anglo-Irish Relations, Deliberate Badfic, Fix-It, Gen, Girls with Guns, Irish Language, Murder, Not A Fix-It, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Post-Series, Scottish Character, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:01:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6196093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_mozzie/pseuds/mrs_mozzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>really, why didn't this actually happen on the show idgi</p>
            </blockquote>





	Daisy kills everyone on Downton Abbey

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by the nonnie at FFA who was wondering why Daisy didn't kill everyone on Downton Abbey.
> 
> I was wondering the same thing too, so here's a fic that fixes everything wrong about Downton Abbey. But made even worse, because, you know, Bad Bang.
> 
> In all seriousness, this has spoilers for all of Downton Abbey, including the last series.

so

i guess this is 1924 but who knows

the Doctor arrived at Downton Abbey and Andrew opened the door of the TARDIS

the Doctor waved his hands at andrew "Gett away frau me Ah can git ought mah tardis" he said "Where's daisy Ah heard thaur was somethin' she knows 'at is rippin' aw ay time an' space apart coz ay julian fellowes an' his writingss"

"she is downstairs prepping food with mrs patmore because that's what julian fellowes does despite dasiy talking about how much she hates working in the kitchen and sometimes with mrs patmore she is always in the kitchen except for the five times she gets to go to this farm"

"really" 

"this is even after she's gotten a bob cut because lol Clara Bow and she's moved on to the farm with me" 

"huh why"

"this is how julian fellowes writes" 

"oh okay but take me too her"

"okay"

Opening theme "Did I Make the Most of Loving You?"  
Composer(s) John Lunn

"why am I cooking here" Daisy howeled

"You've alwus cooked 'ere" mrs Patmore said

"but I don't want to it's like every time I tell people I don't want to fucking be here I end up back in the kitchen cooking here complaining about not wanting to cook here and this doesn't make sense"

"You've alwus cooked 'ere" MRs Patmore said

the Doctor ran down the stairs "daisy ay muss chalk to you" he said Ah will tak' ye whaur ever ye want tae go all of time an' space whut can ah do where will we go ye ur mah new companion etc" 

"you mean I can finally get out of my storyline where no matter what I do I end up in the kitchen cooking because julian fellowes doesn't know what to do with me and instead of letting me quit and work on the farm and find someone who will take over for me so mrs patmore doesn't always say 

""You've alwus cooked 'ere" MRs Patmore said

"and I don't have to keep this stupid cut because lol 1920s and I don't fall in love with andrew all of a sudden because julian feellows thought it was funny to have me fall in love with an obvious gay guy who can't live in paris and have the hot gay foursome of his dreams but instead falls to idk how many gay cliches because julian fellows sucks at writing gay ppl this is how julian fellowes is apologising to me amirite?"

the doctor nodded

"I JUST WANT TO LIVE ON A FARM OKAY FOR FUCKS SAKE"

the doctor grinned let's gang he said

so they stopped by a gun store and daisy picked up a tommy gun (very period appropriate gun for a mass murder)

they went back through all the seasons of downton abbey and daisy killed everyone that ever was on the show here's a list: Robert Crawley the bloody ulcer guy, Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham, whats her face from harry potter, Lady Mary Crawley, Lady Edith Crawley, Lady Sybil Crawley, Matthew Crawley, Isobel Crawley, Lady Rosamund Painswick, Tom Branson, Martha Levinson, Harold Levinson, Miss Sybbie Branson, Master George Crawley, Miss Marigold Crawley, Hugh MacClare, Marquess of Flintshire; Lady Rose MacClare, The Hon. Atticus Aldridge, Mr Carson, Mrs Hughes, John Bates, Anna Bates, Thomas Barrow, Sarah O'Brien, Mrs Patmore, William Mason, ethel Parks, Joseph Molesley, Phyllis Baxter, Gwen Dawson, May Bird, Henry Lang, Jane Moorsum, Andrew Parker, The Hon. Evelyn Napier; Philip, Duke of Crowborough; Patrick Gordon, Lavinia Swire, Sir Richard Carlisle, Dr Richard Clarkson, The Rev. Albert Travis Kemal Pamuk, john Drake, Sir Anthony Strallan, Bt, Michael Gregson, Richard Grey, Lord Merton, Igor Kuragin, mrs s from orphan black (how'd she get in this wtf), Joe Burns, Lieutenant-General Sir Herbert Strutt

 

and then they banned julian fellowes from writing anything forever

 

daisy lived on the farm with Mr Mason because THIS WAS ALL SHE WANTED OKAY and stopped being the doctor's companion he left to find a new companion while daisy and mr Mason lived happlier ever after the end

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Zombies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6363973) by Anonymous 




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